Written Thursday, July 3. Posted Monday, July 7

I'm pretty happy right now. Like, infectiously joyful. I have a deep-seated feeling of peace, joy, and contentment surrounding me right now. "Why?", you ask. Thanks for asking! I'd love to tell you.

It might have to do with the fact that it's July and our A/C has been off for over 72 hours and the windows are open. It might have to do with the fact that I packed 5 boxes today, and our clothes for our upcoming trip to Connecticut are laundered and sitting in a suitcase. It might be that I'm excited about said-trip to Connecticut that begins tomorrow. It might also have to do with the cookies that I ate a few minutes ago that are giving me a sugar rush (let's be honest, that's a lot of it!). It might even be the music that I'm graciously allowing my neighbors to enjoy.

But to be serious, it just stems from one basic thing: I believe that I am living in God's Will for my life. That's it. I believe that I understand what God is calling me to do right now (just right now, I'm not claiming to know His Will for the future), and I'm doing it to the best of my ability.  I feel content. I feel joyful.  I feel fulfilled.

Let me give you a bit of back story. As many of you might know, I married my Hero-Prince a little over a month ago, on May 24. The day after our honeymoon, I moved into his apartment in Iowa. That's a far cry from Texas. It's been different. It's been hard. It has honestly been one of the most difficult things that I've done. The first day Hero-Prince was back at work was one of the hardest days that I have been through in recent years. The loneliness struck me, repeatedly, in the face, stomach, and heart. Poor Hero came home to a hysterical wifey. I sobbed, shook, sobbed some more, and hiccupped a lot.

But God is wonderful and true and faithful. He orchestrates life and beauty for His creations. He inspired my hubby to encourage me to look for volunteer work in the area, something to do to keep me occupied. I looked online via VolunteerMatch (great website if any of you are looking to volunteer!) and the first result that I saw was for the Des Moines Public Library.

Ya'll. I cried. I squealed and hugged hubby and cried some more. I dialed my best friend and left her an elated and totally incoherent voicemail. Then I got my head on straight and emailed the volunteer coordinator about the position. Within an hour she had responded saying that she would love to meet me and instructions on how to apply. I printed and filled out the application and took it in the next morning to meet her. Talk about the nicest lady ever! She was so sweet and understanding and "hired" me on the spot. I had something to fill my time.

The second provision God laid in my path was a trip to the Family Christian Store. I wanted a devotional/Bible Study book, but I had no idea what I wanted or needed. Somehow, I ended up with a book entitled "True Woman 101: Divine Design" (by Mary Kassian and Nancy Demoss). For a newlywed living in a new state with no job and no friends to speak of, this book has been instrumental in helping me refocus my hear t and mind on my Lord and seeking after His Will for me.

It is incredible how the world twists God's design for womanhood and marriage. Between my study in this book and a long-term study of the Proverbs 31 woman, I have been convicted that my idea of the Perfect Woman and the Perfect Marriage were wrong. Pure and simple. My ideas were stupid and cowardly and shallow and unfulfilling. I had somehow unconsciously accepted that lie that Satan tells us that Men and Women can be the same, we just need the chance to prove it. That I am every bit as strong as a man. That I can be the same. That men having "authority" in the house doesn't really mean anything anymore. I demeaned my role as a woman and a wife.

 God specifically created Man and Woman differently. We are created differently and for different purposes. And you know what? That knowledge is not stifling or caging. It is freedom! I don't have to pretend to be like a man- strong and capable in the same ways. I am a woman. I am made to support my husband, encourage him, and challenge him to grow. I am created to nest and nurture: to create a safe, comfortable environment in which to grow and know and be known. I am uniquely designed to be "soft" - calm, gentle, kind, tender, compassionate, and sympathetic. I am fashioned to form deep relational bonds with others. I am a woman designed by God with a unique purpose in life.

That's why I'm so happy. I am rediscovering what it means to be a woman and living that out in my everyday life. It's exciting, thrilling, exhilarating, even.

Have any of you had that "aha!" moment? When you realize who God means you to be in that season of your life and you start following that? What was it like for you?

PS. If any of you are wondering about my new blog name "Of Penguins, Pens, and Pearls", I will be discussing that next week when I post.

EDIT BONUS: Here's a pic of me and hubs after the wedding :)

He Is

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

Here comes the next post and the last post of the month of May!!!! We're coming to summer :-)

I have to say: I have a love/hate relationship with Summer. We're great buddies when it comes to getting out of school and being able to relax a little bit. I'm down with the whole full-time job too. Summer and I start fighting when two online classes get through in, practicing for an upcoming 25 minute solo piano recital, being actively involved in my church college program, social life, pursuing a significant friendship, and the many other things that I try to get done while there isn't a school semester to fight.

So here's the question: How can I stay balanced with so many things that I want to do? More importantly, how in the world can I stay actively focused on God and growing in my relationship with Him?

I am so easily distracted. I bounce from one thing to the next almost instantly. I did this as a child. I'd start playing with barbies, and ten minutes later want to color. Then after fifteen more minutes, I'd hunt down my brothers to play with their legos. And so on. The same is true of me today only on a longer time-span. I start something and then get bored with it and want to switch to something else. Yeah, I do have a lot of things that I'm interested in and I am seldom bored for long periods of time, but I never get anything done. It's a wonder that I have stuck with piano as long as I have. Honestly, if I evaluated my life, you would definitely think that piano is more important to me than my relationship with God.

Let's be serious. It is. I can say in my mind or to other people as much as I want that God is way more valuable to me than piano is. But look at the facts! I live my life as if piano is the most important thing to me. At school, that's almost necessary. At least, it is a different situation than the summer. But now it is summer and I have to find a way to pursue a love-struck relationship with God while still practicing piano.

Tomorrow is my first day of work and the first day of one of my classes. The struggle will begin. I have a lot on my plate for one day. Work, quiz, piano, musical (I'll try and talk about that another time), Bible Study, work-out, making dinner, etc. It's just hard to fit all of that in to one 16 hour day. And no, I can't stay up late. I'm one of those people that absolutely has to have 8 hours of sleep.

Tomorrow is also the first day of my new Bible Study. I'm going to use the Inductive Bible Study Method to work through the book of John. I'm also going to resurrect my prayer journal. I need to do a lot of praying.

So that's my plan of attack. Get up early and get into God's Word first thing so that I can think about it all day long. Pray for me as I struggle against myself. My Victory is in Christ and I have faith that He will win for me. He has already won for me!

Now, if you will excuse me, it's past ten, and I still have some crunches and push-ups to do before I get to read "The Case for the Real Jesus" by Lee Strobel and then hit the hay. Have a wonderful week and Happy Memorial Day! May God bless and protect the men and women fighting for our country!