Grown-Up Christmas Parties

Since I have graduated college and gotten a job, I have inadvertently moved into the world of .... "adults". So now it is Christmastime. And now there are no more college Christmas parties: no studio parties with goodie bags, no fraternity parties with White Elephant parties where you get a stolen poinsettia from the cafeteria and no dorm parties with making Christmas cookies.

I went to my first "adult" Christmas party tonight. It was for the community choir I sing in. We went to one of the choir members houses and all brought food to share. I took cake balls; a very fun and festive dessert (or I thought). Turns out that was a slightly childish dessert compared to the other contributions. But that doesn't really matter. I was so ready for a Christmas party that it didn't matter too much.

I showed up right at 7 on the dot, punctual as always. There were only like 3 people there... and I didn't really know any of them. So I stood around and tried to chat with them like I did. I hate small talk. I don't really care about the weather too much - I can tell that a cold front went through. I don't follow sports, so "How 'bout them Mavs?" isn't a good starting place. You can only talk about work for so long before you're like, "Wait, am I at work again that I have to think about all the crap I didn't do?". I love talking about religion and politics, but everyone avoids those subjects like the plagues! Then there's music: my field. When everyone is talking about the Beatles, K$sha or the Black Eyed Peas, I'm like, "did you know that Shostakovich composed hidden messages in his music because his country censored him?" That's apparently not something that you bring up in the first five minutes of a conversation....

So I suffered through that. The only good part was when a guy pulled out his guitar and we sang Christmas carols. Somehow after several minutes of that, we ended up in the Beatles...

I excused myself as early as was polite and got home to enjoy so "people-my-own-age" AKA my housemate and her fiancee. Now I'm thinking. Do we get to the point where those lame Christmas parties are actually fun? I mean, do those become the highlight of our week? Do we eagerly await those opportunities?

It seems sad. The Christmas parties I love are so poignant in my mind. The ones where we nearly choked as we stuffed marshmallows in our cheeks to see who could hold the most. When we cried from laughing too hard as we played Apples to Apples. Or the time we were going to go trespassing but ended up at a house stargazing through a high-powered telescope. Maybe the time we tried to go see Christmas lights, got lost and ended up on the docks accidentally peeping into someone's houseboat. Will those moments, those wonderful, touching, heart-stopping moments seem childish to me in 50 years? Will I look back on it and think that I was lame at that time?

I don't think that I want to grow up. I don't want to get to that point where the blase is exciting. I want to hold those special moments in my heart and actively seek new ones. I want to recklessly trespass across the grouchy old man's field to find the perfect stargazing spot. I want to have shopping cart races through Wal-Mart. I want to be told that my friends are being too loud when we play games at the coffee shop. Because, as the overused phrase goes, "Life isn't about the moments you breathe, it's about the moments that take your breath away."

A Dream is a Dream...

I just had the strangest dream I've ever had in my life. Normally I dream silly, funny dreams, but this one is about as serious as it gets. I woke up at 5:45 after the dream and couldn't fall back asleep and now feel compelled to post this. It's a long read but I hope you stick through to the end.

I was in Dubai doing missionary work. Five children, the sons and daughters of a political leader were kidnapped and tortured. Pictures of them began circulating. They were starving, naked, and terrified. Christians began rallying in defense of the children, demanding their freedom. This blossomed into a poverty relief campaign and donations from other countries began pouring in. Soon a Christian revival erupted and hundreds of missionaries came to assist in the soul harvest. Countless people came to Christ.

The government grew afraid of us, paranoid that we would try to take the country by force Slowly, almost imperceptibly, they grew intolerant. It started as a few arrests of key Christian leaders and soon forced the entire revival underground. But still, the fire of Christ swept the country and more and more were saved each day.

One day I was asked to help sort donations that had just come in. As I arrived, I saw someone holding the poster of the five children that started everything. I entered the building and found a long line. I got in the end of the line and waited. As I stood there, I started feeling more and more uneasy (I'm getting the same feeling now, even as I type). The further and further I moved up in the line, the more I was convinced that I was there to die.

I rounded a corner and saw my friend, Jill, sitting against the wall, handing out posters and reminding people to pray for the children. We had shared an apartment during our time working in Dubai. I almost broke down right then, convinced I would never see her again. As I bent down to hug her, I realized that she knew it to.

Finally, I reached a table and a man sitting behind it, marking things off on a clipboard. He pointed to little squares on the table. Each one had a few drops of liquid on it. "Take one," he said, "and follow the line. Don't drink it until you get into the other room."

I did as he said and continued. We filed in silently. The next room we entered was a large reception room filled with round tables. As we started finding places to sit, I saw more and more people that I knew that had come to help with the mission work. I sat down and realized that the liquid on my piece of plastic was poison.

I stood back up and raised my square. "Friends," I began and stopped after I noticed how shaky my voice was. An elderly couple asked me to speak up so they could hear.

"Friends." I started again, stronger this time. "I don't know how much time we have left to together. It seems fitting that we should end our time here on earth in the presence of God. Let us drink together and pray."

We all raised our squares and drank the sticky sweet poison.

We prayed together, thanking God for His mighty hand and great work in the country. We prayed as one until 20 minutes later, we all stood in the presence of the Lord.

Dreams don't normally impress feelings this strong on me. I don't usually think that my dreams have meanings, but I feel like this one might. I'm still on edge from it. Thoughts and comments are welcome.

Update Time!

Time for an update!

I have been absent for a while... College is no respecter of hobbies! Thankfully I'm out of college now and can breathe and even take up some extra stuff. So.... I think it's time for an update.

Here is where I stand. I really don't know if anyone reads my blogs or if they do, what they might like to hear. This is where you come in. If you are reading my blog, obviously you are reading my blog (so groundbreaking, isn't it?). That means I want YOUR input. What do you want to read about? My life? (Boring, but ok) Music stuff? (Definitely my forte, haha) Here is one idea I have been toying with. I came up with a great premise/plot for a book and I would like to work on it aaaand I thought if I posted small chunks each day some of you might be interested in reading it and potentially even giving me feedback. Is that something you would be interested in? If not, I'm totally up for posting music stuff or whatever else you want to hear from me.

I look forward to hearing your comments. I realize that I'm in this awkward place right now; I haven't posted in so long no one probably reads this so no one will post but if no one posts then I won't know what to do and so I won't post because no one is reading and so on and on. Quite the conundrum, eh? My way of breaking out of this deadly spiral is to just start posting and hope that it catches on! I hope that works anyway....

So, what are you waiting for? Post away!

The Iliad- Book One

Dear Readers,

I have returned after a long absence. College has a way of reorganizing your priorities and not giving you much say in it. Well, I'm here to reclaim one of those priorities for my own.

I recently discovered that our school library has the complete set of "Great Books". This is a series of books that contain the great authors in Western Civilization. I have been starving to read more classics and I figure, "What better way than by reading through the Great Books?" This will undoubtedly take me long to do than I have time left at college, but I hope to save up money and purchase the collection for myself. Until that time, I have decided to start at the beginning and get as far as I can.

I also happen to be obsessed with taking notes over things that I read, so as I began my first book and started recording notes, I thought that maybe someone would profit from me posting my findings on my blog.

The first two volumes in the series are dedicated to forwards, indexes, appendices, etc. so I have decided to skip them altogether and begin with Volume III: Homer.

A note about Homer in a purely biographical sense. Homer is not a man known to have existed. It is hypothesized that Homer is the author of the Homeric poems based on similar quality and existence. It is not known whether Homer did author the Iliad and Odyssey though traditional attributed to Homer.

The Iliad: Book One

Brief synopsis of plot

• After a battle, Agamemnon claims the captured Chryseis as his prize.
• Chryseis' father, Chryses, a priest of Apollo begs him to return her and offers a vast ransom.
• Agamemnon refuses and drives the father away.
• Chryses prays to Apollo to rescue his daughter.
• Apollo attacks the Achaians, plaguing them for ten days.
  
• Achilles asks Kalchus, a soothsayer, to interpret what they have done to deserve such wrath.
• Kalchus responds that it is Agamemnon who dishonoured Apollo's priest.
• Agamemnon is infuriated but agrees to return Chrysies if another prize will be given him.
• Achilles scoffs at him and swears to leave him but Agamemnon returns insult by claiming Achilles' prize, Breiseis as his own.
• Achilles is about to fight Agamemnon when the goddess Athene intervenes and stays his hand.
• Nestor, a wise counselor, stands to give calming words and succeeds in preventing a duel.
• Agamemnon sends for Breiseis and Achilles weeps at her loss.
• His mother, the goddess Thetis, hears and pleads his case to Zeus.
• Zeus ponders the request, knowing it will plague his wife Hera.
• Afterwards, Hera guesses his intent and questions him, provoking an argument.
• Hera's son, Hephaistos comforts her and asks her to calm her anger against Zeus

My Analysis/ Interesting points:

• The interplay of man and gods: In this time period of literature, gods were not as invincible or immovable as we think of them today. The gods were very involved in mortal struggles, helping or hindering one side or the other, and seemed as fickle as humans are. The only thing that seems to separate them from humans are their increased strength and/or wisdom, ability to transform between dimensions (Olympus and Earth), and immortality. They show the same emotions, thoughts and actions that humans do. The argument between Zeus and his wife Hera at the end of the book is a particularly humorous example of these distinctions.
• Even with a difference in speech due to translation, the dialogue is interesting and easy to relate to. One can hear Agamemnon whining at losing his prize and peevishly demanding Achilles'.
• The humans' reverence to the gods. They respect their gods (who are not all-powerful, all-seeing, or all-knowing) more than we respect our one true God who is everything those gods are not. Chryses devoutly and emotional prays for the return of his daughter, Achilles treats Athene's appearance with reverence, respect, and (importantly!) obedience and Achilles also weeps brokenheartedly to his mother, the goddess Thetis. If we communed with our God the way these characters did with their lesser 'gods', perhaps the world would be a different place.
• The pride of the two main characters. Even a leader as great as Achilles has his sins. Agamemnon and Achilles both try to retain their prizes, threatening harm to their respective followers if the others' demands are not met. Achilles would pull away his troops from the battle and Agamemnon would take Breiseis with no thought to Achilles and lose his greatest soldier. Both of these men are willing to risk the war effort for their own personal gain. Sounds familiar to me. Maybe politics?

Alas, that is all for now. An interesting read, certainly. I will post the next book as soon as I am able. By next Saturday at the latest.

Farewell dear readers, I hope you enjoyed.

Hello again, Friends. This was certainly unintentional; forsaking my blog for an entire semester. And now I find myself on the brink of Finals Week and procrastinating my last Saturday at school away. Would you like to hear about this rather strange Saturday? Of course you would.

It actually started last night when I forgot to set my alarm. So, I slept until 10:00 this morning. When I finally got up, my roomie and I packed up some stuff and made a storage/Wal-mart/Wendy's for lunch run. When we got back at 1:00, I had a slight headache, so I decided to lay down for a few minutes. Those few minutes turned it 3 hours, and I woke up at 4:00 pm. So I got up, loafed around the room, and finally decided to start studying for my first final. Five hours later, I feel rather confident about that test. Except for the one textbook I can't study, because I loaned it to a friend and they haven't returned it yet! So now I'm about to start a paper that isn't due until Friday, because I can. And I don't really have anything else to do. Except procrastinate.

So yes, that paragraph seems to sum up my entire semester quite succinctly. I'm almost finished with my Junior year of college and right now, I couldn't be happier. Well, I could if I were in bed asleep right now, but that's ok. I'm getting excited for this summer. I have so much planned to work on and to do. Practice piano for my senior recital, compose for my other senior recital, work with 4th graders, direct a children's musical, hang out with my brothers, and get involved with my church. Yeah, it's going to be a blast.

So that's it for now, because I can't convince myself that procrastinating is the best idea right now. I'm off to write that paper on "What is mathematics and why won't it go away?". Aren't you jealous. Of course you are.

Unintentional Growth Spurt

No, I'm not a 9-year old boy who wakes up on Tuesday morning to find that Monday's pj's are 3 inches too short.

Nor am I a 16-year old who realizes they just finished an entire box of cookies, three bananas, a bowl of cereal and still wants eggs and bacon to feed their growth.

I am a 20-year old that just realized that my emotional and relational life is going through an unexpected growth spurt.

At the beginning of my winter break from school, I had a long and satisfying conversation with a person that I had been interested in, but decided to not pursue a relationship with that person because I didn't feel it was the right time. Because we decided to not rush into something, we are better friends for it, and there are no hard or awkward feelings between us. I consider that person to be one of my closest friends.

At the same time, I grow closer to some other people and realize that I am mature and capable enough to handle those relationships, based on my experience earlier this break. That is a very satisfying feeling. I almost believe that I can trust myself not to ruin another friendship or potential relationship. And also it is a more satisfying friendship because I'm not putting pressure on myself to not screw things up.

All in all, I think maybe I'm growing up.

A New Direction

So I feel like my blog needs a little revitalization. It might help if I posted more often, granted. But, beyond the fact that I don't post often, I also ramble and randomize. I say nothing in a particular fashion on a particular topic. I think it's time that changed. I work much better as an organized person, and why not carry that into my blog writing? Instead of this blog being about anything under the sun that tickles my fancy, I think it's time that the blog lives up to its name: Unintentional Ninja.

The name stems from several extended conversations with a friend. I would do things quite often that for me were unintentional and accidental, but to others seemed quite ninja-ish. So, I think to live up to the name, whenever I post, I'll recount how I lived up to the name that day. Obviously I can't intentionally be an Unintentional Ninja, so I'll just have to post when I am unintentionally an Unintentional Ninja. That said, I probably won't begin posting everyday. Maybe once a week though.

I think the best way to start would be a brief definition. Unintentional, according to dictionary.com is "accidental, unplanned, inadvertent" and Ninja is "

a member of a feudal Japanese society of mercenary agents, highly trained in martial arts and stealth (ninjutsu), who were hired for covert purposes ranging from espionage to sabotage and assassination." Since I am obviously not a highly trained mercenary feudal Japanese agent, we'll go with my definition of "sneaky, awesome, and amazing".

So I'll let you know when I am Unintentional Ninja once again. Until then, Ja-ne.

A New Post!!

Oh my goodness! I'm posting after four months of silence! And honestly I don't have much to say right now, I just wanted to let the blogging community know that I'm still out here, though very busy. Actually, right now I'm trying to listen to Music History stuff for our test tomorrow. 16th Century Madrigals. Bleh. I liked Gregorian Chant much better. Anyway, so that's what's up. Maybe I'll post more sometime.

Leave a comment! I like to know when you read :)

"Here is your Theological Butt"

Last night, the first meeting of the Longview area Christian book club met to discuss the "Introductory Essay" to The Death of Death (John Owen) by J.I. Packer. Five members out of the fourteen invited members were present; Stephen W., Stephen C., Adam, Cameron, and myself. We had an excellent discussion that ranged from Calvanism vs. Arminianism to VBS.

When Cameron walked in, the first thing he said was, "When I was told we were reading an Introductory Essay to a book, I didn't expect to have my theological butt handed to me! I was expecting a biographical introduction." I don't think that anyone was expecting what Packer had to dish out to us. The essay was informative and challenging at the same time.

We started with the first section of the essay, which is a broad overview of The Death of Death as a whole and why this book is applicable and necessary in our world. The Church is in a poor state now, as it was when Owen wrote the book. It seems almost more applicable to us now, then it possibly could have to Owen. "In such matters as the practice of evangelism, the teaching of holiness, the building up of local church life, the pastor's dealing with souls and the exercise of discipline, there is evidence of widespread dissatisfaction with things as they are and of equally widespread uncertainty as to the road ahead." (Section I, Paragraph 3) Packer continues to say that "Without realising(sic) it, we have during the past century bartered that gospel for a substitute product which, though it looks similar enough in points of detail, is as a whole a decidedly different thing." (Section I, Paragraph 3) Now there are two gospels: the old and the new. One would argue that the old is Biblically based and should be what we base our faith on and that the other is a diluted, perverted image of the old gospel, dumbed down so that people today can believe what sacrificing too much of their own free will or surrender fully to God.

Here we deviated from the topic of the book to the tone the author employed in his essay. Several of the members felt that the author very offhandedly dismissed Arminian arguments of
salvation as being inconsequential. The author states that if one follows Arminianism to it's "inevitable conclusion" that one would not be able to logically accept such arguments. Stephen C. said that he wasn't sure he could take Packer's "inevitable conclusions" for all they were worth and that he thought that the arguments weren't as conclusive as initially shown.

We raised several questions in response to the author's tone. Do most Christians really believe that God is not completely Sovereign or that He is impotent? Do Arminians honestly argue that God plays no role in salvation, or is that the author's hyperbole in play? Couldn't Packer have stayed away from such Strawman-inclined language?

It is abundantly clear that Packer is a Calvinist and believes wholeheartedly in Reformed Theology. Three of our members found his tone rather grating, annoying, or amusing in his quick, seemingly arbitrary, dismissal of traditional Arminian arguments. That isn't to say they have no ground, but Packer certainly gave them none to stand on in his essay.

At this point Cameron read his favorite segment of the essay aloud. "Now, the Calvinist contends that the Arminian idea of election, redemption and calling as acts of God which do not save cuts at the very heart of their biblical meaning; that to say in the Arminian sense that God elects believers, and Christ died for all men, and the Spirit quickens those who receive the word, is really to say that in the biblical sense God elects nobody, and Christ died for nobody, and the Spirit quickens nobody." (Section II, Paragraph 14)

This leads us into the main section of the Introductory Essay in which Packer systematically outlines Calvinistic/Reformed Theology as contrasted with Arminian Theology. I won't get into the contrasts, but if you click the link in the title of this post, you can read Packer's Essay yourself. If you aren't interested in biting off all that meat, here is a very succinct discussion of the two theology's opposing viewpoints: http://arminiantheology.com/ Keep in mind that the website I directed you to has an Arminian viewpoint. Try to read it un-biased.

Now our discussion became very interesting as we started talking about God's complete Sovereignty. A large cause of the division in schools of theology comes to God's Sovereignty. It seems as though Arminian's aren't comfortable with the fact that God is absolutely Sovereign. our question (and discussion from the question) was that if God was completely Sovereign, could He choose to lay aside His perfect Sovereignty? We discussed the question in isolation and in the context of salvation. I believe that the final majority conclusion was that only a perfectly Sovereign God would be capable of setting aside His Sovereignty and that it would be done in order that His Power could be more clearly displayed to man.

Out of pure irritating curiousity, the question was asked: Why doesn't God call all men to be saved? He is certainly capable of it. (Limited Atonement)

One thing that Stephen W. said made him a little queasy when considering Reformed Theology was the question of the origin of sin. If God is a Perfect, Sinless Being (which we believe is biblical), and God created the world and all that was in it, doesn't it logically follow that God must have created sin? Not directly, certainly not, but indirectly. And if that is the case, how can God be Perfect, and Sinless, if He is somehow the originator of sin? The discussion: God wanted to create humans that would choose to follow Him and accept His love. In order to have a choice, one must have multiple things to choose from. Logically, there must be an anti-God in order for humans to choose God. And so sin was created by default.

A question on Free Will Logic: Even if God made no active participation in a man's decision to follow God, isn't God still the creator of man, and therefore the creator of the ability of man to decide, and consequently the decision?

Determinism versus Free Will. Determinism is based on the idea that man will always choose what he most desires. If a man or creature is faced with a choice, say fight or flight, he will choose what he most desires. If he most desires safety, he flees. If he most desires victory, he fights. Free Will is based on the fact that man, unlike any other creation in universe, is capable of choosing whatever he wills- he must not always choose his desire. The discussion led us to: Man possesses intellect. His intellect helps to shape his desires- hence free will. Also, Deterministic man is consistent with a deterministic nature, which is obviously the reality. However, "None of us want to be pawns" - Cameron

Are the terms Calvinism and Reformed Theology synonymous? or is Calvinism a subset of Reformed Theology?

Do we choose God because we are elected or are we elected because we are chosen? Do they correlate, are they coincident, or are they the causes?

If God has elected only a few people to be saved, why should the already saved preach or evangelism? God will get the work done one way or another. Through you, or through someone else. It is your choice whether to be a part and receive that blessing or to go on your own way, trusting that God will work it out on His own. Also, knowing that God will definitely save the elected is comforting to know that you can't do anything to screw up someone else's salvation. You can't dissuade them, convince them otherwise, or scare them away. Even if you don't tell them, someone else will. God's plans cannot be foiled by man. Stephen C. decided that might have been the clincher for him in believing in God's elect.

Most of us decided that previously we had believed a mix of Calvinism and Arminianism, but after being challenged by this essay, we will all rethink what we believe about theology. I would say that I personally have begun leaning toward Reformed Theology, but I need to spend a lot of time in prayer and exploring the Bible for further confirmation.

Our discussion was very energetic and edifying. I appreciate all that participated, and hope that those who couldn't make it will come next week. :D Until then, go get some ice cream. You deserve it after reading all of that!

He Is

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is
He was
And He always will be

He lives
He loves
He’s always with me
Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is